There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
