Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
