I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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