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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
