I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
