Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
