just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
