I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
