Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
