Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
