He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
