Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
