i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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