it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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