is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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