Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
