so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
