Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They are going to name an STD after you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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