From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
