don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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