I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
