I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
