We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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