I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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