Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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