idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
