I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
