I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
