guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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