Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
