im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize