Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
