I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
