is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
