Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
