Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
