so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize