Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
