Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
