woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
