Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize