He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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