So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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