508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a search helicopter?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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