my mouth tastes like poor choices
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
