I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize