Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
