Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
