Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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