the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize