every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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