so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
