i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
