just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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