Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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