I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
