Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
