addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
