Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
