we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His nipple licking is glorious
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