If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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