Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
