Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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