so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
